Cleansing

My cousin came over yesterday and we spent all day clearing out and organising all my closets.
We managed to fill 8 black bags and 2 suitcases which I dropped off at the Charity shop this morning.
I threw out some clothes that I have had for I don't even know how long.
I feel so much lighter.

I am trying not to think about TTC all day long. It is SO hard.
I would like to not think about it at least until the day we see the fertility specialist in a couple of weeks time, but that is proving virtually impossible.

Firstly, I am using a fertility monitor so that I can pinpoint ovulation, so I am thinking of that first thing every morning when I wake up.
Secondly, and yes, I know this is a horrible cliche, but there are babies and pregnant women EVERYWHERE.
(When I went for a massage in South Africa, the lady who did mine was 7 months pregnant - by accident - and her very pregnant belly kept knocking into my head. It was just weird.)

I am not kidding when I say at least 5 people in the last month have told me, oops! accidental pregnancy.
About another 15 million (slight exaggeration) have told me to 'just relax and it will happen'.
Two of my friends told me they 'just know' I will get pregnant. (Really?! How? They don't even know about the sperm saga).

It's so annoying. And cliched.
How the hell did I get to this place?

On another note, tomorrow I go back to work for the first time in 3 weeks, and I am feeling 'first day back at school' anxiety. I only have just over 2 months left of work, and I am getting nowhere with the job hunt either.

How do people carry on with their day to day lives when dealing with this infertility crap? I feel like I can't focus on anything else. And also, I feel like what's the point anyway?

I have to pull myself out of this hole.

~Sabine~

P.S. Tomorrow I am going to post about my accidental meeting with a tarot reader/psychic!