Byebye, farewell..

I'm leaving for Dubai in 8 hours, and I still haven't finished packing! Would still like to get some sleep tonight but decided of course, updating my blog was waaaay more important than say, having underwear packed for my trip :)

Despite going from these grey skies:

to these blue ones,

I'm feeling v. anxious for this trip. I am sure it has a lot to do with the confrontation I had with my (soon) ex-boss. I'm glad I did it, but it didn't quite go the way I planned. I cried. Ugly snotty tears. Didn't want to, promised myself I wouldn't - but did anyway. I guess the whole redundancy/losing my job thing has had far more effect on me than I was previously willing to admit. And they took so much advantage of me over the past 3 years.
Is it just me who does this? Have you guys ever cried in front of your bosses. If so, please tell me so I don't feel like such a  - well, woman.
If you are stoic and never cry, don't tell me, ok? *fingers in ears - lalalalalala*

Hubbies SA went ok, so he says, and thank you all for your well wishes. Results on 9th March. Probably better I am away so I can obsess less.
Oh, g-d, I hope I don't ovulate while I'm away... (this from someone who didn't even ovulate last month - I do make myself laugh sometimes)

I will have internet access most likely, and a laptop, so will try update when I can. Miss you all already!

~Sabine~

EDITED TO ADD:
Just after I clicked 'publish' I went over to facebook- another good friend pregnant. I am well and truly going to be the last, aren't I? If ever.
It's fucking UNFAIR. Don't get me wrong, very happy for her, thrilled. But FUCK when will it be my turn. Why does this have to be me?
On that sorry note, I need to get my shit together for tomorrow. FUCK.

Jumble

Firstly, thanks so much ladies for your ideas on my last post! I think I will have a draft ready by my actual birthday - 16th March.

Secondly, my mind is all over the place, and I fear this post may be too. There are so many reasons I feel this way and so, in no particular order, I give you a bullet point list. It's the only way I can think of to organise my thoughts at this point.

• Hubby's 3rd SA tomorrow. Terrified does not begin to cover it. He seems fine, but who knows with men?
• Confirmed redundancy letter coming tomorrow. I found out the guy they replaced me with in Dubai has been offered my very same job, but with a higher title (and no doubt more money), and despite the fact I am leaving in a month anyway, I plan to confront my (almost) ex boss tomorrow. Added terror, but I need to be brave. I've let them walk all over me for THREE LONG YEARS. I owe it to myself to finally say something, but have to be careful how I do it - I don't want to burn bridges.
• Leaving for Dubai on Sunday for 1 week for work. Excited. Nervous. Hate being away from the hubby. But looking forward to SUNSHINE! Bring it on.
• Follow up FS appointment 2 days after I get back from Dubai. This is hinging on the SA results. If they are respectable, hopefully Clomid and IUI to follow immediately. If they are bad - IVF/ICSI here we go. No denying it anymore. We will also find out the results of his Cytogenic blood tests - another huge fear. Plus, if it's the same FS as before, I may cry just from the sight of her. (Hopefully she is on maternity leave by then)
• Job hunting. Not going well. At all. Never been unemployed and a real creature of habit (hence why I spent 3 long years in a job I despised). Am I allowed to add yet more terror to all that terror adding up up above?

Yeh, so that's my world at the moment. I feel exhausted thinking about it. I feel since this whole rollercoaster of TTC and then the male factor discovery began, that I have been in survival mode. 

Hubby is taking me away for a relaxing spa weekend for my birthday. And I think that's just what the doctor ordered.

~Sabine~

P.S. I will have my laptop in Dubai, so will try to update often. I may even share a pic of me hanging out by the pool eating a Club sandwich on my lunch break ;)

Any special request of pictures from Dubai?

P.P.S. If I'm feeling brave, I may just try out that indoor ski place...

Who would've thought my first time skiing would be in the middle of a desert!?

Watch this space.

30 for 30?

I've just realised I haven't posted in a while. Time has gotten away from me.
Been busy with work, life, preparing for a business trip, and alternating my worrying between baby-making (or lack thereof), the fact I am going to be 30 soon, what to do to celebrate my birthday, I'm going to be jobless soon for the first time ever, I have so many zits it's unreal...and on and on. Look at me, multi-tasking :)

Anyway, all this worrying has not left much space in my brain for anything else.
I have decided to be 'rebellious' and not have a 30th birthday party. There are many reasons, the main one being 'I just don't feel like it', and damn it! I'm THIRTY - I don't have to have a good reason, do I?

I have been toying with this idea for a while since I have a unscheduled commercial break coming up and I have never had time on my hands before. So, this is where you guys come in!

I wanted to do 30 things to celebrate my 30th, things I have always wanted to do but have never quite got around to. The problem came when I actually started to try to think of 30 things - it's hard! And also, they have to be as close to free as possible since I won't have a job. This is very limiting. And, I don't want it to become my usual list of 'chores' - I want it to be fun!
Last year I accomplished a lot of things on my 'list' (got married, dyed my hair, dyed it back, donated blood, swam with dolphins, travelled to Mexico, swam with a shark - I have posted photos just to prove it :))

I have come up with a few ideas, but would love it if you guys had any suggestions?

Some examples so far:

1. Learn German (DH and his entire family are German, and after 8 years it's disgraceful how badly I suck at the language. I speak 3 languages already though - that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!)
2. Get pregnant
3. Get pregnant (am I repeating myself here?)
4. Have a baby (ok, you get the idea, I'm sure)
5. Finally get to my goal weight
6. Become involved in a charity
7. Learn how to scuba dive (could be near impossible living in London)
8. Try skiing (I am scared of the ski lift/heights but could possibly tackle this one in the indoor skiing in the Mall in Dubai next week)
9. Learn webdesign
10. Visit New York

Some photos for inspiration!

What do you guys think?
Good, bad, or just plain stupid?

~Sabine~

P.S. Yes, that is a giant sting ray top right and a shark bottom left. A nurse shark, which is probably more harmless than a newborn, but still!
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