Detox - Day 1

Oh My...
To start off the day, I stepped on the scale.

BIG mistake - excuse the pun.
(or maybe just the motivation I need?)

65kgs exactly.

Just as I suspected, the weight has been steadily creeping back up, and gaining back 3kg's in 4 months is so unacceptable - especially after I worked SO hard to get there in the first place! A slap in my own face.

Today I am living by the motto:
NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS THIN FEELS!!!

Detox plan for this week:
Only fruit in the morning.
Salad with a protein for lunch/home made soup
Lean protein/fish with vegetables.
Only water to drink.
20 mins exercise per day (will probably choose brisk walking/jogging) and then some toning exercises.

Ugh, dreading it already. Especially because I have 2 parties to go to this weekend! And it is so cold in London at the moment, it's hard to get out of bed....

Uh oh, here I go with the excuses again...
Muttering under my breathe 'nothing tastes as good as thin feels, nothing tastes as good as thin feels, nothing.....

~Sabine~

Weekend!!!

Yay, it's the weekend!
And I got to leave work early today - there was a fire alarm, and the boss said we could leave 1 and a half hours early!! Wheeeeee

Following on my from yesterday's post, I met up with some old friends for lunch and I felt so horrible in my skin. Not confident at all. So, I have decided - I have 12 days left till my holiday and I am starting my detox/healthy living plan tomorrow. I figure I need to distract myself anyway, since I have to hold off on TTC for the next couple of months, and also to keep my mind busy so I don't stress over the impending laparoscopy. It will also help my recovery, I'm sure, if I am healthier.

I will document my progress here, so that I keep myself motivated.
Tomorrow counts as day one.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

~Sabine~

Weight Loss Struggles (PCOS - the gift that keeps on giving!)

You may have noticed the new ticker at the bottom of the page. My very own blog page guilty conscience!
A weight loss ticker.
I have been in the 'overweight' category for a long time. I spent a lot of time blaming my PCOS/Insulin resistance but the truth is, I love food. And I hate exercise. Not a winning combo.

I started off about 10kg (22 pounds/1.57 stone) overweight. (commonly known as the 'Heathrow Injection*')
I made my goal 12kg to lose. Boy, was I optimistic.
For my wedding day, I made it to about 9kg loss. This took 6 months of sheer will power and lots of exercise. I started to run, and I don't think I have ever run anywhere in my life before! I ate SO well.
But try as I may I could just not shift that extra weight.
I really *do* think it's the PCOS guys! It has to be!

Since the wedding day, I have lost some of my willpower (ok, ALL of it) and have gained back about 2.5 3kgs) which is shocking and disappointing. I am hating myself for it, never mind I have a wedding to go to in 2 weeks! I shudder at the thought. Also my skin is worse than ever, and that's fine to hide in a cold country, but I won't be able to cover up in a couple of weeks time.

I am hoping the doc will prescribe Metformin to make this journey a little less like 'Mission Impossible' but I need to get my willpower back, and I just don't know how!

~Sabine~

*A metaphor for the weight one inevitably gains when one migrates to London for an extended stay. It is attributable to the face-paced lifestyle that leads one to eating mostly take-away and fast foods.

Dear Diary, Love Anonymous

I have been thinking about this one for a while. Some of you may or may not have realised that Sabine is not my real name, rather a nickname my mom gave me when I was little.

I know there are a LOT of TTC/Infertility blogs out there. Some people blog openly and let everyone know about it. Some do not.

I never thought I would be the 'not' girl, especially since I am just about the most un-shy person you could ever meet. I would be happy to disclose almost anything to a perfect stranger. Seriously, I am very open. And random strangers tell me their secrets all the time. I don't know why, but I must have a trustworthy face :)

Even my husband does not know about the existence of this blog.
I wanted to start it as *my* thing.
I didn't want to share it with anyone I know.
The main reason for this is that I don't want to be afraid to say exactly what I want, warts and all. I don't want to start subconsciously editing what I say. And I don't want to be afraid of saying anything I want without suffering the consequences. I want to be selfish for once.

And most of all, I am scared. I can't tell anyone in real life how badly I want a baby. And just how hard that has been and will continue to be, to make a reality.
Maybe I will change my mind as I go along. But for now, this is my safe place. My sanctuary.

Do you guys blog openly or anonymously? And why?

~Sabine~