After 3 weeks away (a little longer than expected due to a delayed flight and a strike), I'm back.
But not for long.
We are moving back to SA. For now, all of us.
We have talked about it and talked about it for years. Well, the time is now.
I can't live here anymore, isolated from my family. Especially now. Especially knowing my marriage may not make it past this year or the next. The last thing I want is to be stuck here, a single parent, never being able to go home again.
This is a very, very scary decision for me. I'm witless with terror. What has become of my life? I don't know how I got here.
Last night I had a nightmare. It was so vivid. In the nightmare, I had known things about my husband and what he's done for years that I had chosen to bury deep down and pretend they didn't happen. I was so cross with myself that I had forgotten what I knew.
When I woke up, I realised it was true.
I must be sicker than I thought, such was the level of my denial. As soon as I woke up, I literally began to become flooded with memories. Memories I had buried so deep that I forgot they existed. How scary is that??? How does that even happen?
So, I have a lot to deal with about myself too. And I have a lot of blame to shoulder. This was my choice.
Sabine
But not for long.
We are moving back to SA. For now, all of us.
We have talked about it and talked about it for years. Well, the time is now.
I can't live here anymore, isolated from my family. Especially now. Especially knowing my marriage may not make it past this year or the next. The last thing I want is to be stuck here, a single parent, never being able to go home again.
This is a very, very scary decision for me. I'm witless with terror. What has become of my life? I don't know how I got here.
Last night I had a nightmare. It was so vivid. In the nightmare, I had known things about my husband and what he's done for years that I had chosen to bury deep down and pretend they didn't happen. I was so cross with myself that I had forgotten what I knew.
When I woke up, I realised it was true.
I must be sicker than I thought, such was the level of my denial. As soon as I woke up, I literally began to become flooded with memories. Memories I had buried so deep that I forgot they existed. How scary is that??? How does that even happen?
So, I have a lot to deal with about myself too. And I have a lot of blame to shoulder. This was my choice.
Sabine
