6dp5dt

Not much to report. Still nothing. Nada.
Besides the fact I'm pimply and moody (thanks for that p.rogesterone!).

Time is going too fast. I'm not ready to find out the results. Yes, I realise just how ridiculous that sounds. I have never felt more terrified of anything in my life.
I feel so out of control, so out of my depth.

My acupuncturist asked me yesterday how I'm feeling about the cycle. I said: 'I want to be optimistic, but I'm scared to be'.

I watched a movie the other night about a pro runner who lost a race. He told his girlfriend, 'I won't run if I can't win.' To which she replied: 'you can't win if you don't run.' So, here I am, running the race, praying I get through this hurdle.

For all the 'symptom spotters' like me, these are a few things I've felt which I'm attributing totally to the retrieval and hormones. They are also so minor, I think I've willed them into reality...

• Lower back pain (last night and today)
• Sharp pains around left ovary area
• Moodiness
• Tiredness
• Some heartburn yesterday only
• Acne - face, neck, back - gross! Stupid hormones!

On another note, I still have no internet so I can't follow any of your blogs! I'm dying to know what's happening with you all, so I'd love it so much if you feel like dropping me a line! If not, I promise to catch up asap!

I couldn't have made it through the week without all of your comments which I read over and over again on my b.lackberry whenever I'm feeling down or doubtful - thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart!

~Sabine~




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4dp5dt (9dpo)

Still no internet, hence no more Dr. G.oogle. This is both good and bad. Still no symptoms and I'm feeling the lowest I've felt since I began the cycle.

For two days I have had the worst stomach cramps and upset stomach - probably a combo of something I ate/medication/anxiety (sorry, TMI) and have been hysterical thinking this will affect the embryos/implantation.

I emailed my poor long-suffering FS who said it won't affect anything and 'keep smiling'. How cute is he? I'm trying to take his advice but it's hard.
I want to be hopeful and optimistic, after all, this is the closest I have ever been to being pregnant. Yet at the same time I want to keep my feet firmly on the ground. It's a very delicate balance - one I may never master.

Also, I don't think I will test early. For two reasons:
1) I want to 'enjoy' being PUPO* and hopeful for as long as possible
2) Ignorance is bliss - I'm plain terrified to test.

~Sabine~

* Pregnant until proven otherwise



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2dp5dt* and the crazies have begun to set in

I can't sleep. I lie very still thinking, why can't I feel anything? I am hyper aware implantation should happen yesterday or today. If this doesn't happen - it's all over.

I don't feel anything at all. And there are only so many times you can G.oogle "what do implantation plains feel like?" before you want to blow your brains out!

If I'm this bad now, I am very afraid of how the next 10 days will be!
This is the 2WW on steroids. Usually, at the this point I have no idea if I even ovulated, nevermind had a sperm fertilise my egg, and now I know I have 2 of these perfect embryos on board. (first 2 photos - 9 fertilised, 5 excellent quality. Third photo - my little unfertilised 5)

Besides for the G.ooglng, I have also never prayed and meditated more than right now. Please, please keep me in your thoughts. 

I hope these embies can feel how much we want them. I love them so much already.

~Sabine~

*2 days post 5 day transfer