On trying to be brave

As you may have realised, I've been a tad, umm, anxious about this first trimester.
As soon as I left the hospital yesterday, I arranged a scan at 10w2d weeks at the private clinic.
But they could only do during the day, so I started to stress about taking more time off work with no explanation. So I called another clinic who could see me at 7pm after work but they could only do it at 10w3d - which is only 6 days for my official nuchal scan.

And then something dawned on me.

All this running around to scans is actually making me anxious.
So I decided to be brave. I called both clinics and cancelled the appointments (!).

I mean, I know little Joopy is doing well. I have seen his/her* little heart beating with my own eyes.
I've decided to have a little bit of faith. And remain calm and hopeful. I mean, I just think about what's to come, and I don't want to freak out at every stage of this pregnancy, so I'm trying to make a conscience effort to change my ways now. I want to enjoy this pregnancy as much as I can.

I realise it's all in G-d's plan - everything is beyond my control. If something is G-d forbid wrong, then a scan will not change the outcome. Another scan changes nothing except for peace of mind. And I've noticed that my 'peace of mind' after a scan lasts only a day or 2 before I start wondering again.

So, let the countdown begin - 20 more days till we get to see you again my baby.  Please keep growing big and strong.

~Sabine~

* I say his/her but I'm already thinking girl in my head. I have no idea why! Originally I was convinced a boy, but now I'm not so sure. Well, we have a lot longer to wonder because I don't think we will find out the sex beforehand!

Midwife + hospital = A Very Long Day

Off I set to my very first midwife appointment yesterday morning. How surreal! It was VERY long appointment and she stuck needles in both arms but couldn't get blood out of either! I mentioned the C.rinone saga, and the night before it was red blood, so off she sent me to the early scanning unit where I sat for the remainder of the day.

Work don't know yet that I'm pregnant. As you know, it's a new job and I'm afraid to tell them. On the other hand, all these unexplained days off and doctors appointments must be making them wonder...

Anyway, to cut a very long story short, they did a quick (external) scan and Joopy is now a proper baby shaped blob! In 10 days s/he has gone from 6.2mm to 14.5mm and has a beautiful perfect beating heart!! They don't measure the heartbeat and they also don't give pictures to take home, so I had to take a couple of sneaky shots on my phone - sorry once again for the quality. Joopy is still measuring 1 day behind at 8 weeks yesterday which give me a due date of 11-01-11. At least s/he is consistent!

I also almost blacked out when they took 6 vials of blood! Never happened to me before - and I've donated blood before. So weird!

I'm just so relieved and so happy - all is well!
I need to have more faith that everything is going to be just fine.

Keep growing nice and strong my baby!!!

~Sabine~

P.S. Still no morning sickness?! The nurse told me I should count myself lucky but I so don't feel pregnant and I think that's adding to my anxiety.

P.P.S. Both doctors I saw yesterday said: NO STRESSING ALLOWED, so I'm trying so hard to do that, but it goes against my very nature! Any suggestions on how to live a bit more stress free for the rest of this trimester?