Still here, still worrying

I knew I would be anxious during this wait for my first scan, but I didn't actually know.

I'm exhausted. Everything worries me. Should I eat that? Should I do that? Am I sleeping enough? Was that pain normal? You get the picture.

This was compounded today by a seemingly innocuous trip to the hairdresser this morning. She wanted to do this 'natural' keratin hair relaxing thing on me to combat frizz. I asked her if it had any chemicals, she said no, all natural, just a treatment.

Towards the end of the application, something concerned me. If it's all natural, then how can it last 2 months? And how come it needs to be 'set' with hot irons?
I asked to see the brochure (too little, too late) - not recommended for pregnant women. Panic ensues. She washed the stuff out of my hair immediately, twice (and then I went home, jumped in the shower and washed it twice more for good measure).

She called the product rep, who said the product only 'activates' after heat is applied, and since we hadn't got to that stage yet, everything is fine. However, I am still freaked out. I know I sound mental, but I can't help it. I have worked so bloody hard to get here, how STUPID can I be?!

I am so worried I have jeapordised the health of my embryo/s.

I'm afraid to ask the doctor in case he says it can cause damage and then what?

I decided before I started IVF, no hair colouring, no risking anything, and I lasted a whole 5 days.

I am keeping as calm as possible, the stress is probably worse than the half an hour the unactivated stuff was on my hair anyway (and it wasn't on the scalp either).

I need to remember to keep breathing.

~Sabine~

Beta #2

308.

Thank you G-d! Thank you. I'm so grateful right now. I was concerned it didn't rise fast enough, (I thought it should double in 48hrs) but my FS assured me it's actually supposed to rise 66% every 2 days. Mine is almost 100% so he is very happy with that.

He said: "don't worry, you're definitely pregnant." Have I mentioned how much I love that man?!

There won't be a third blood test.
There will, however, be a scan on Monday afternoon because I leave the next day. Hopefully we will see how many are in there!

What do you guys think? Singleton or twins?

~Sabine~



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Pregnant!!!

Thanks so much for your wishes and excitement! I feel like I'm in a dream, and any minute someone will wake me up.

Second beta tomorrow. I am praying it's all ok, please keep praying for me. I still feel normal, besides for the fact my period hasn't come and I have heartburn from hell!

When I was waiting for the call yesterday, I must have peed a million times. But as soon as I got off the phone, I did what any self-respecting infertile would do. And it was better than I could have ever imagined...

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Hope

This is a day I have wished for and a day I have feared.

Today I found out that it was hope all along. Hope that carried me through injections, hormones, stress, fear, and a LOT of time and money. Hope, when there were no guarantees.

After all this, I consider myself a warrior. I consider all of the strong brave women and men I have met along the way suffering through infertility warriors. This process takes superhuman strength. Superhuman hope.

I approached my blood test this morning with sheer terror. And sheer hope.
I'm a prisoner to this process - going along with its twists and turns with no control over the outcome.

If the 10 day wait after transfer is hell, I have no words in my vocabulary to describe these past 3 hours waiting for the doctor to call with my results.

And then he called.

"158," he said, "it's positive. You're pregnant!"

PREGNANT.

Me. Pregnant!

Finally, it has happened to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I feel like I'm dreaming.

~Sabine~



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8dp5dt, almost out of the dark!

I can't believe it's already test day tomorrow! It feels like time has crawled and flown all at the same time.

I also can't believe that on the one cycle where there is a very good chance I'm actually pregnant, I have resisted the pee sticks! And I have about 10 with me!

Well, still not much in the way of symptoms, but I'm choosing to be positive for now. Why shouldn't it work for me?

I had no symptoms or side effects on very strong medications throughout this IVF, so maybe I'm one of the lucky ones?

The blood clinic opens at 7.30am - guess who will be awake and outside their doors at 7.25am? :)

Please, please, please let it have worked!! I love you already my little babies.

~Sabine~



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