Message to a friend...

I finally plucked up the courage to reply to my friend's 'are you mad at me?' text message, after having it weigh on my mind all day.

Me: "Been very, very stressed with work, health etc, just trying to get through to be honest"

Her: "OK, cool!! Glad I haven't done something to upset you!"

OK, cool?? COOL?! I just told you I am doing terribly, and THAT'S your response? Relief?
Please bear in mind that this is one of my closest friends, I have know her since we were 6 years old. It's not like she doesn't know me well...

Am I overreacting here?
It's no wonder I have not told her about my hospital appointment, or would ever dream of telling her I am TTC.
Just because it's an old friendship, does not mean it's a good one.
I feel so very sad.

~Sabine~

Drama Drama!

I just have not exhaled all morning, it's been a morning of sheer drama.
I am tired, so I think I will bullet point this one!
In no particular order:

• Hubby passed his exam - woohooo!
• Press deadline at work today
• Illustrator's agent slammed the phone down on me - yes, you read that right!
• High maintenance friend sent me the same text message she sends me almost every week: "Are you annoyed with me? Have I done something wrong? Feel like I haven't heard from you in ages"
• Pipe in bathroom broke, and emergency plumber had to be called

The text message from the friend is weighing heavily on my mind. Yes, I am annoyed with her. Why? Because it always about her. It's disappointing. It's hurtful. I went for dinner with her, and she didn't even ask me how I was?! As much as I want to spend all night discussing her fictional boyfriend whom she has never met (sarcasm), it would be nice if she pretended to care how I am.
Even her text messages are all about her. "Are you upset with me? Have I done something wrong. ME ME ME!"

OK, I am kind of losing a leg to stand on here, since I am writing this on a blog which is all about ME, but still!
What should I do? Tell her? Accept that that's what she's like? I should mention, I don't do confrontation well. Help!

~Sabine~

Testing, Testing, 1-2-3

Since I am boring you all to tears with speak of tests, I will only mention one more, but its of a different kind for a change...
Tomorrow morning, my hubby is writing the first of 5 (I think) exams towards his qualification.
He has never studied for anything before and I am more nervous than him.
I would never tell him that, though, so I am letting it out here instead - lucky you ;).
Please, please hold your thumbs for him for tomorrow morning!?!

This week in London has been cold and dark, and my mood is definitely reflecting that.
So cannot wait for my trip in December.
So cannot wait to finish this redundancy process next week.

Focusing on the positive...

You may remember the other day I was talking about how from now on, I am going to have a PMA (positive mental attitude).
Yesterday, on the way back from my horrible scan, seeing all those cysts covering my ovaries through eyes blurred with tears, I walked past a building with this name outside:

PMA Training

I'm taking that as a sign.

~Sabine~

Verdict

Cysts, cysts everywhere.
I already knew this, so why am I so upset?

~Sabine~

Sinus hell

Apologies for my absence.
Besides for the time I have spent at work (a lot), I have been lying face down on my cool bathroom tiles crying like a baby from the sinus pain.
I am feeling quite exhausted from it all, and live in fear of the next 'attack'.
Sounds so dramatic, but oh, the pain!

In a couple of hours I will head off to the hospital for my ultrasound.
Hopefully they will tell me what they see on the spot, but knowing the NHS, I will probably have to wait till I meet with the consultant for any answers.
Will update again this afternoon to let you know how it went.

Now I am going to admit something so cringeworthy.... Should I? Shouldn't I?
What the hell.
Is it just me who secretly fantasizes about there miraculously being a fetus in there when they do they ultrasound?
"Who? Me? Pregnant? You don't say!....
No need for fertility treatments? Wa-heey!"

Wow, was this not the most boring/embarrassing post in the world ever?!! Please can I blame it on being doped up on sinus medication? Pretty please?
Will have to try harder next time :)

~Sabine~