I'm here. Still alive. Still breathing.
I have never been happier to see a year end. 2012 can kiss my ass!
A friends asked me what I did on New Year's last year. And I honestly cannot remember. I have blocked out so many things due to trauma and stress. This past year I have been through more than I ever thought I could tolerate or survive.
But I'm here. I'm ok mostly.
In four days time C will be 2 years old. She is very much not a baby anymore, but a funny, cheeky, energetic little girl. I am so, so proud of her. She starts playgroup this month too and I'm so excited for her. She is such a sociable little girl.
I'm really starting to get the hang of the single parenting thing. At first I was so resentful and sometimes still am. He gets no responsibility and I get it all. But I just kept reminding myself that I wouldn't have it any other way. I managed to get her in her own bed and sleeping (mostly) through the night, which has been absolutely life changing. Also, I no longer have to lie with her till she falls asleep so I am slowly but surely getting some 'me' time back.
My ex is still a seriously sick puppy and is therefore extremely unreliable. He cancels seeing her at the very last minute and also goes months without any contact with her at all.
Unfortunately, she is incredibly attached to him and still asks for him etc. We went to her friend's birthday party and his dad looks a little similar to hers. She saw him and got so excited and started shouting 'papa! papa!'. When she realised it wasn't him she cried. I hated him more for that moment than anything he has ever done to me. He has seen her 3 times in the past couple of weeks, so I never know what to expect with him.
Despite it all, C is a very well adjusted, confident and happy little girl. I hope that lasts. I will do anything to see that child happy and secure.
Here's to a better year.
Sabine
I have never been happier to see a year end. 2012 can kiss my ass!
A friends asked me what I did on New Year's last year. And I honestly cannot remember. I have blocked out so many things due to trauma and stress. This past year I have been through more than I ever thought I could tolerate or survive.
But I'm here. I'm ok mostly.
In four days time C will be 2 years old. She is very much not a baby anymore, but a funny, cheeky, energetic little girl. I am so, so proud of her. She starts playgroup this month too and I'm so excited for her. She is such a sociable little girl.
I'm really starting to get the hang of the single parenting thing. At first I was so resentful and sometimes still am. He gets no responsibility and I get it all. But I just kept reminding myself that I wouldn't have it any other way. I managed to get her in her own bed and sleeping (mostly) through the night, which has been absolutely life changing. Also, I no longer have to lie with her till she falls asleep so I am slowly but surely getting some 'me' time back.
My ex is still a seriously sick puppy and is therefore extremely unreliable. He cancels seeing her at the very last minute and also goes months without any contact with her at all.
Unfortunately, she is incredibly attached to him and still asks for him etc. We went to her friend's birthday party and his dad looks a little similar to hers. She saw him and got so excited and started shouting 'papa! papa!'. When she realised it wasn't him she cried. I hated him more for that moment than anything he has ever done to me. He has seen her 3 times in the past couple of weeks, so I never know what to expect with him.
Despite it all, C is a very well adjusted, confident and happy little girl. I hope that lasts. I will do anything to see that child happy and secure.
Here's to a better year.
Sabine
