I've been thinking...

....about this semen analysis thing.

I was always so focused on getting it done that it never occured to me to worry about the outcome.
Now he's done it, I am a little worried freaking out about the results.

Call me crazy, but I'm not worried about if its low, as opposed to how devastated my hubby would be if it was low.
I don't want his ego to be hurt, and I worry how it would affect him and also our relationship IF there was something wrong with him.

I would prefer the blame of infertility all on me if possible.
We have done the SA as part of routine procedure, but WHAT IF?

He was born with one undescended testicle, which was corrected via surgery when he was about 10, and let's just say, I hate Dr. Google.

"Men who have had an undescended testicle have lower sperm counts, poorer quality sperm and lower fertility rates than men whose testicles descended normally. "

and then:

"If you have only one testicle you may be worrying about fertility. Although the undescended testicle probably isn’t doing much, you need not be too worried because your other normal testicle is likely to be producing many millions of sperms."

I feel sick with worry.

I've changed my mind: I don't want to know the results.

~Sabine~

Mean girl

I have taken to calling my hubby 'my little w*nker' since yesterday....
How long do you think I can keep it up before he gets mad!?
Anyhoo, I am enjoying my little joke.
Who said infertility wasn't funny?!?

~Sabine~

Mission accomplished...

Hubby did his SA today.
So relieved and happy he did it with no complaints! (not that I was expecting any, but for some reason I felt quite guilty asking him to do this).

And now, in true NHS style, we will probably only have the results next year! Crazy...

21 days till my holiday - about the only thing keeping me going right now!

~Sabine~

Jersey Boys

Last night I went to the theatre with one of my friends for a girlie night out. This is definitely one of London's perks - but only once in a while cos it's so damn expensive!
We went to see Jersey Boys - The story of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, and it was so much fun!
Just what the doctor ordered.

And speaking of doctors: this morning I went for my day 3 blood test. Yes, period showed up and I feel oddly nonchalant about it.
Tomorrow hubby will do his SA.
My mom told me today that she conceived my sister, brother and I in the first month they tried. Which was reassuring (she has endo too) and depressing at the same time, as clearly it's not going to be that easy for us. I am pinning a lot of hope on this laparoscopy next month, and just hoping it turns out to be worth the pain.

In other news, my hubby got a promotion today and I am so proud - he really deserves it!

And now, I am going to watch some mindless TV and try to relax my exhausted and stressed out brain!

~Sabine~