Things I love

The way you look into my eyes and hold onto my hand when I feed you
The way you sigh and moan and make appreciative noises while you drink
How you love the bath, but cry bloody murder when I take you out
The dimple in your left cheek
The cleft in your chin
Your very inquisitive blue eyes
How strong you are - The fact you have been able to lift and turn your head since you were 3 days old
The way your Dad dotes on you


C, you are the light of my life. I am madly, totally, utterly in love with you.

I don't know how I got so very lucky. She was always meant to be in my life.

~Sabine~

P.S. Birth story to follow shortly
P.P.S. Antibiotics completed. Episiotomy to be checked again next week. Holding thumbs.

Long overdue update

Hi all,

Thanks so much for your kind wishes.
C is a joy and a delight. Despite some jaundice, she has been eating and sleeping quite well and we are madly in love with her.
We have had way too much drama, starting with the dreaded gastro bug, which thank g-d she or I did not catch. It did exhaust me though. A 2 day old baby and a gastro bug do not calm a very sleep deprived mother.
Since then, my mom and sister have left, my husband has gone back to work, and I feel as if I may never want to leave the house again.

Last Friday I went off to the doctor because the midwife suspected a urine infection. Well, the doctor examined me and on top of the urine infection, it seems they botched my episiotomy. It's infected and the stitches are coming undone and gaping. I have been on antibiotics since then, and C and I have our first outing this afternoon to see the gynae.
The GP suspects I will have to have the whole thing re-sutured and repaired. I pray she is wrong. Unfortunately medical aid won't pay because it's 'childbirth related' and on top of that, my husband just called to say that his company had made a mistake and hasn't been taking the correct amount out of his salary for the medical aid since 2009! We owe £600.
So, I have to pay out of pocket for treatment because the insurance company won't pay, and on top of that, pay them £600 too. I would cry, but I'm out of tears.

I promise to upload some more photos as soon as possible.
Please pray for me for this appointment. I need all the strength I can get.

In the meantime - Is this not the most perfect gift in the world?

~Sabine~

Beautiful C

Born 5/1/11 at 14.28
Weighing 2.702kg / 5.95 pounds

Madly, totally, utterly besotted.

Things are a bit crazy - husband and mom hit with v bad stomach virus and have not been able to be near me or baby. Traumatic delivery, so in pain and trying to look after her and them too. Thank goodness for my sister. Praying C and I don't get it too. Please pray for us.
Exhausted. Will update more asap, but just to let you all know thanks for the wishes and we are doing well - C is an absolute angel and doing very well.

Lots of love
Sabine

Induction day tomorrow!

So, the little lady has decided to make me wait till induction day :)
I hope she doesn't make me wait too long after that!

Spent the day cleaning, organising and living in denial.

Very nervous for tomorrow.

~Sabine~

New Year

Well, one thing's for sure. We're definitely going to have a 2011 baby now :)

Happy New Year everyone, and a belated Merry Xmas!
I am now 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant. Induction is still happening on Tuesday after a very hairy past week. Yes, I came down with a nasty cold that kept me in bed for a week, and I was terrified to be so sick around the time of the birth, but also very scared to make my husband, mom and sister sick too. That would be an absolute nightmare. There are a lot of flu and cold bugs going around and it's made me super paranoid about having a winter baby. A couple of friends have suggested I don't let children or babies visit for at least 6 weeks after she is born - good advice or over the top?

Besides for illness, I'm pleased to report everything is fine. Now we wait.
As induction time gets closer, the more surreal it all feels. Crazy stuff.

Wishing you all a fantastic New Year. May all your wishes and dreams come true.

~Sabine~

"Full term"

37 weeks today. How crazy is that?

I feel like I'm in the middle of some make-believe world. It doesn't feel quite real.
I'm so used to feeling the baby moving around inside - it's just become so normal. I'm really going to miss this part.
The first 3 months of pregnancy were hell - anxiety wise. I've been unlucky with the Gestational Diabetes and the 4-times-a-day finger pricking. But besides for that, I have utterly loved being pregnant. I feel great in general. I feel feminine, pretty, my skin has cleared. I love that complete strangers smile at you and start conversations. I love feeling the bond with my baby every day, just me and her, like we have our own secrets. I love that my body, after everything else, has gotten us to this point safely. I find it miraculous how I've had to do absolutely nothing, yet my body knows what to do. How I saw her go from a tiny embryo to this strong little person with the power to move my whole belly.
I guess I'm trying to say how grateful I am.
I hope that every single one of you still trying get to experience this blessing, and soon.

Sorry to be so soppy. I guess I feel a sense of impending mourning of not being pregnant anymore. I can't wait to meet this little person. I try to imagine what she will look like and I just can't. It's bizarre.

OK, enough of that...
I have a severe case of cabin fever - having been stuck indoors because of the snow since Friday. I have to try get out today! It's very pretty, but what a pain! Wish me luck!

Thank you all for the comments on my previous posts too. You've all been amazingly supportive and I really appreciate it. I'm hoping I can make peace with the name thing sooner rather than later.

Let the countdown commence - 15 days till induction! (but I'm ready for you any time now baby girl)

~Sabine~

A deadline.

Thank you to those who commented on my previous name post - really appreciate the input a lot.
I'm still not sure.
I have only told my immediate family that we are considering this name and they don't think there is any issue with the names being too similar. But I can't seem to get my head around it. We will see. We don't really have other options. Sigh.

So, hospital appointment update.

• All well with general checkup
• Diabetes under control
• Last growth scan perfect
• No more scans! (eeek!)
• Induction date: 4th January 2011 (at 39w1d)

My emotions are all over the place. I'm going to have a baby. A real baby. Mine. My husband's.
This time last year I was gearing up for a laparoscopy, thinking I would never have my own kids, being told a childless future is not so bad.
I realise I have not been thinking about this new reality at all. My goal was 'get pregnant'. Then it was 'stay pregnant'. Now it's 'Dear G-d, please let's get this baby out safely** (and not too painfully would be a bonus too)'.


I haven't put much thought into: What then?
When she's here? How will it be? Will I cope? Especially being so far away from family and no real support system.  A lot of friends/acquaintances with babies have been quite mean and making it sound like my life is over, and not in a good way! What am I getting myself in for!?
Please don't take that the wrong way. Is it normal to be this nervous, this scared, this overwhelmed?
Please tell me I'm not alone here.

~Sabine~

P.S. **(A couple in my antenatal class lost their baby at 35 weeks which has thrown us all into a spin. It's just the most horrific and unimaginable thing. My poor husband is completely frazzled. He asks me about 100 times a day: Is she moving ok? When did you last feel her? etc etc)

Silence is NOT golden!

So, after my last post - I'm left wondering...
Just one comment (thanks pookiedoo, by the way!)?
What does that mean? I'm going crazy here!
I don't mind if you don't like the name - just wanting to know some honest unbiased opinions on if it's too similar sounding to my husband's.

C'mon guys, please help me out here!!

Thanks :)

In other news, hospital appointment tomorrow morning- hoping but not convinced I will get my induction date.
What is everyone up to? All prepared for Christmas/Chanukah? Apparently it's going to snow here again sometime in the coming week which makes it feel all very Christmassy! Although I hate the snow since everything shuts down - not great when you may need to get to a hospital!

~Sabine~

Massive anxiety...

I know, I'm dramatic.

BUT

We are still undecided on our name.

I was sure at this point (35 weeks pregnant - being induced in 3 weeks!) we would have decided on our name already.
The point is - we do have a name.
My husband has pretty much decided, but I, just like everything else, am having major panic attacks over it.
It consumes me. Don't get me wrong - I love the name. No other name we have thought of seems better or even equal to it. It has to be our name. But I have this overwhelming feeling that it can't be.

The name is Cxxx (It is simple, pretty, not overly popular and best of all it works perfectly with our surname.

So, what's the problem? My husband's name is Kxxx.

Please, dear readers, give me your honest opinion. Is this name just too similar? Would it be a tongue twister? A potential tease for our daughter. Just plain silly?
There isn't even a nickname I can think of to differentiate the name even more from her dad's.

Please, please let me know what you think.

Thanks!

~Sabine~

Maternity Leave, Week in pictures (and a few words!)

Last day at work (Friday):

(pic removed)

Growth scan (Monday) - All perfect, thank G-d. Baby is a perfectionist still, measuring 34 weeks exactly at 34 weeks! At this point, I can't make out anything on the scan anymore! She weighs approx. 2.3kg.

(pic removed)

Snowed in: Even missed my consultant appointment at the hospital this morning :(

Furniture building:
(pic removed)

Growth spurt:

Had a minor scare - thought I had developed a stretch mark under my bump, but it was just an indentation from my jeans (phew!). Also, my belly button has now taken on a life of it's own. Tragic. The laparoscopy scars I wear with pride, but remind me again why my 19 year old self wanted that ugly belly button piercing again? If my daughter ever wants one, I'm pretty sure this photo is enough to deter her!

Lots of laundry:

Hospital bag packing

Baby deliveries galore:

(pic removed)

Went swimming: 
Tried to upload a pic, but the server won't let me! A sign that no pregnant woman should wear a bikini in public?! Ok, it worked now....

(pic removed)

This maternity leave stuff sure is exhausting! When will it be time to relax? 

I must say, I am terribly out of breathe all the time now, even after simple tasks, which makes things a bit more difficult. I'm thanking my lucky stars I took maternity leave now, otherwise I simply would not have time or energy to get things done. I'm slowing down more and more as the days pass.

Next on my list - easy to make and freeze recipes for after baby comes - suggestions very, very welcome!!

What have you all been up to?

~Sabine~

The best ever day!

My gorgeous niece arrived today, safe and sound.
I have never been more grateful or in love. I have also never felt more far away.
Isn't she just the most spectacular thing you've ever seen?!

Noooo, bellybutton, nooooo!

My bellybutton has gone all weird!

I'm shocked at how suddenly, it went from in, to flatter and now it starting to bulge a little! Yuck!

All my laparoscopy scars are not helping matters - giving it a weird puffy look!!

I guess baba had a growth spurt over the past couple of days.

Growth scan on Monday to see how she's doing. 

And tomorrow is my last day at work!

How did I get here?! It seems so sudden.

We don't celebrate Thanksgiving over here, but happy Thanksgiving to all those who celebrate, and I'm sitting over here counting my blessings too. So blessed.

Remember my SIL who also got pregnant with IVF?

Well, I'm going to be an aunty TOMORROW!!!!!!!!

Please all send good positive thoughts for a healthy and safe arrival for both mom and baby.

Love to you all.

~Sabine~

P.S. Bratty, if you're reading this, I would love to be able to read your blog but have no idea how to get hold of you! Hope all is well?! xx

Mission accomplished?

Thank you all for your lovely words of advice. It helped SO much!
Yesterday I called my friend and I told her, thanks so much for offering the stuff to us, but we just have so much already and don't really have any need for it.
It was so much easier than I thought. I really have to stop making mountains out of molehills.
She took it very graciously, said 'no problem' and I offered to take it back over to her this evening.
We went, dropped off the stuff, ate dinner together and that was it...

...Until I got home and realised I forgot to take one of the bags!
Now I have to call her again and arrange to take it back again!! Embarrassing!
Bloody baby brain!

~Sabine~

P.S. Marcia, you asked what put me off about the stuff? It's not that it's hand-me-downs as I have already borrowed quite a few things from friends - it was the fact they were broken, really poor condition and dirty! Broken stuff I would put straight in the bin, same goes for clothes with holes, and dirty - I don't have time or energy to be cleaning bouncer seats etc! Also, trying to figure out how to turn on my email thing but in the meantime: leighsabine. at. gmail.com :)

How to say no without hurting a friend's feelings...

A lovely and well meaning friend gave me three huge black bags of baby clothes and a bouncer and a swing. She wants it back when I'm done with it.
Problem is - Most of the stuff is at least 6 years old and been worn by both her daughters. The rest is from someone else I don't know. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem, and I don't mean to sound snobbish, but the stuff looks so old and worn, and the rest of it is filthy! Some had old baby vomit on it, holes and the bouncer chair etc is also filthy. My husband almost died when he saw it! He absolutely refuses to put it anywhere near our baby.

Now - the problem. Originally I thought all the stuff was to be gotten rid of after us, so I thought I could just give it to charity if I didn't want it and she would be none the wiser. So when she asked if I wanted it, I said sure, and thanks.

Clearly, I don't want to keep any of it.
How do I give it back to her without offending her or hurting her feelings?

I always suck at this kind of thing...

Also, I can't store it and give it back to her later as we are currently in a small apartment (till we hopefully move next year) and are already struggling with space as it is!

Help!!

~Sabine~

Another growth scan, shopping and travel!

Last Friday we went for another growth scan, and I'm pleased to report that baby is measuring right on track as usual. Had a follow up appointment at the hospital yesterday and they are very happy with me, so much so that evil nurse didn't even threaten me with insulin this time!

I have been in bed with a nasty sinus infection, but baby is more active then ever. I just spent 10 minutes filming her having a party in my belly. She makes me laugh so much...she goes wild and then always ends up with hiccups afterwards!

Also, she responds to her daddy's voice like no other. It makes me all emotional. As soon as he is home from work and she hears his voice - I swear she goes wild. He is already smitten and told me in no uncertain terms: "You know I'm going to spend all my money on her, right?" I was like, 'Oh yes, I know!"

My mom visited a couple of weeks ago and then the week after, my dad. It was great that they got to see me pregnant and to feel their granddaughter moving about. But it was also great because we got a lot crossed off the list:

• Choose name (My husband has pretty much decided and calls her by that name, but I am still having issues...)
• Cot, plus mattress and bedding
• Pram
• Car seat
• Bottles & teats
• Muslins
• Change table
• Towels
• Bathtub
• Baby carrier
• Bouncer (borrowing from friend)
• Pack hospital bag
• Wash and sort baby clothes
• Boiler
• Curtains (still need to be put up though)
• TV (Waiting on insurance people)
• Telephone
• Window leak

So, still a lot to do, but getting there at least.

Last weekend we went for one night to beautiful Bath, with a stop at Stonehenge on the way back to London. (We had lunch at Jamie Oliver's restaurant too which was awesome). It was really good to get away and also, I must say, I surprised myself with how much I was able to walk around - up hills etc without even losing my breath. I think Pilates has been a huge benefit and I would really recommend it to anyone.

Hope you are all well?

~Sabine~

31 weeks

Last post was 3 weeks ago...
Last pic was 24 weeks...
shame on me!

I wish I could say I've been too busy etc, but the truth is, I've just been too pre-occupied with other things. Mostly stressing.
Yes, I know.
I suck.

I am 31 weeks pregnant and my to do list looks a little something like this:

• Choose name (oh my nerves)
• To buy:
• Cot, plus mattress and bedding
• Pram
• Car seat
• Bottles & teats
• Muslins
• Change table
• Towels
• Bathtub
• Baby carrier
• Bouncer
• Pack hospital bag
• Wash and sort baby clothes

Ok, my head is beginning to spin.

On top of all of that, in the past week, these are the things that have broken in our flat:

• Boiler
• Curtains
• TV
• Telephone
• Window leak

Yes, it's been an expensive week so far.
BUT, it's not all bad. My mom came to visit for a week, and now my dad arrives too in a couple of days.
And my friends threw me the most awesome baby shower - we were very spoilt. I will upload some pics once I get them.
Also, I saw the consultant last week and he's happy with my blood sugar up till this point - long may it last.
Growth scan on Friday.

And to make up for my lack of blogging, a 31 week picture:

(removed)



Hope you are all ok??

~Sabine~

28 week - growth scan

Grinning from ear to ear over here....Gestational diabetes can bite me!

Perfect scan - baby measuring exactly right for 28 weeks and now weighs roughly 1.2kg. Can hardly believe it! A real baby.
I asked for sex to be confirmed but she was shy, with her thighs tightly squeezed together.
The scan technician wanted to see the photos I have on my phone of baby as an embryo. She was amazed. And so am I. Every day. I haven't forgotten where we've come from or just how far we have come.

Most enjoyable: Feeling her move all the time now. Totally love it, even if sometimes it hurts!
Least enjoyable: Still no name. My biggest worry by far.

In other news, I finally started to buy things. I totally underestimated the cost of it all, and she isn't even here yet! It feels good to get organised, and makes it all a little more real. Lots more still to be done though. Any top tips on what people say you should have but in fact is a complete waste?!? (ie. plastic bathtubs - as opposed to just a support). Would love some advice from some other moms.
And some more name ideas would be great too! If you really liked a name but it was wildly popular right now (as in top 3) would you still use it?

~Sabine~

It's a...

Well, I'm glad to know the first scan pics were as ambiguous to you as they were to me!

So, without further ado...

It's a GIRL!!!!!


~Sabine~

Bad week, turned good...

As the title says - I had an awful stress filled week. So yesterday, hubby and I happened to be at home in the afternoon, and we thought, why not - let's try book a 4D scan for next week (usually that's how long it takes to get an appointment). So we called, and they were just closing up but said they would wait for us to come in right then!

Off we rushed, and on the way there we decided, what the heck, let's find out the sex.

Well, we were there for over an hour and half. Baby did not want to co-operate! I had to climb stairs, drink hot chocolate, walk up and down, and finally....baby turned around (but still with feet up over the head).

The scan technician said she could see the sex: 97% sure, but I couldn't see what she was pointing out. Can you? (there is a little hand cursor over the area she pointed out)

We are so thrilled!!!!

~Sabine~

Willpower, where are you?

Remember how adamant I was about staying on team yellow?

Yeh, well, hmmm. I'm having doubts.

The doubts started after many hours spent looking at baby names. For some reason, I spend way too much time on girls names, and I realise boys names are actually harder!
I was thinking, why am I adding this anxiety over names? It's probably my number 1 stress right now (besides for living arrangements which is another post entirely) but I have the power to make it 50% less stressful.

We are going for a 4D scan probably in the next few weeks when hubby's parents come to visit, and I'm seriously considering finding out the sex then.
But I'm embarrassed - what will people think! I know I shouldn't care, but I've told everyone we want a surprise and now I'm 'throwing in the towel' at the last minute!
Hubby hasn't minded knowing from the beginning - it's just me who wanted the surprise. My family also want me to find out because if it's a boy, we need to do a circumcision at 8 days (religious reasons) which will need to be organised and is a huge deal that family will want to make plans to come over for. (I don't even want to think about this tradition - it is awful awful awful - but that's also a whole other story).

What do you think? Find out or not?

~Sabine~

P.S. I have an irrational craving for smoked salmon. It's bad. I also have a stinking cold and have been in bed since Saturday :(