"Full term"

37 weeks today. How crazy is that?

I feel like I'm in the middle of some make-believe world. It doesn't feel quite real.
I'm so used to feeling the baby moving around inside - it's just become so normal. I'm really going to miss this part.
The first 3 months of pregnancy were hell - anxiety wise. I've been unlucky with the Gestational Diabetes and the 4-times-a-day finger pricking. But besides for that, I have utterly loved being pregnant. I feel great in general. I feel feminine, pretty, my skin has cleared. I love that complete strangers smile at you and start conversations. I love feeling the bond with my baby every day, just me and her, like we have our own secrets. I love that my body, after everything else, has gotten us to this point safely. I find it miraculous how I've had to do absolutely nothing, yet my body knows what to do. How I saw her go from a tiny embryo to this strong little person with the power to move my whole belly.
I guess I'm trying to say how grateful I am.
I hope that every single one of you still trying get to experience this blessing, and soon.

Sorry to be so soppy. I guess I feel a sense of impending mourning of not being pregnant anymore. I can't wait to meet this little person. I try to imagine what she will look like and I just can't. It's bizarre.

OK, enough of that...
I have a severe case of cabin fever - having been stuck indoors because of the snow since Friday. I have to try get out today! It's very pretty, but what a pain! Wish me luck!

Thank you all for the comments on my previous posts too. You've all been amazingly supportive and I really appreciate it. I'm hoping I can make peace with the name thing sooner rather than later.

Let the countdown commence - 15 days till induction! (but I'm ready for you any time now baby girl)

~Sabine~

A deadline.

Thank you to those who commented on my previous name post - really appreciate the input a lot.
I'm still not sure.
I have only told my immediate family that we are considering this name and they don't think there is any issue with the names being too similar. But I can't seem to get my head around it. We will see. We don't really have other options. Sigh.

So, hospital appointment update.

• All well with general checkup
• Diabetes under control
• Last growth scan perfect
• No more scans! (eeek!)
• Induction date: 4th January 2011 (at 39w1d)

My emotions are all over the place. I'm going to have a baby. A real baby. Mine. My husband's.
This time last year I was gearing up for a laparoscopy, thinking I would never have my own kids, being told a childless future is not so bad.
I realise I have not been thinking about this new reality at all. My goal was 'get pregnant'. Then it was 'stay pregnant'. Now it's 'Dear G-d, please let's get this baby out safely** (and not too painfully would be a bonus too)'.


I haven't put much thought into: What then?
When she's here? How will it be? Will I cope? Especially being so far away from family and no real support system.  A lot of friends/acquaintances with babies have been quite mean and making it sound like my life is over, and not in a good way! What am I getting myself in for!?
Please don't take that the wrong way. Is it normal to be this nervous, this scared, this overwhelmed?
Please tell me I'm not alone here.

~Sabine~

P.S. **(A couple in my antenatal class lost their baby at 35 weeks which has thrown us all into a spin. It's just the most horrific and unimaginable thing. My poor husband is completely frazzled. He asks me about 100 times a day: Is she moving ok? When did you last feel her? etc etc)

Silence is NOT golden!

So, after my last post - I'm left wondering...
Just one comment (thanks pookiedoo, by the way!)?
What does that mean? I'm going crazy here!
I don't mind if you don't like the name - just wanting to know some honest unbiased opinions on if it's too similar sounding to my husband's.

C'mon guys, please help me out here!!

Thanks :)

In other news, hospital appointment tomorrow morning- hoping but not convinced I will get my induction date.
What is everyone up to? All prepared for Christmas/Chanukah? Apparently it's going to snow here again sometime in the coming week which makes it feel all very Christmassy! Although I hate the snow since everything shuts down - not great when you may need to get to a hospital!

~Sabine~

Massive anxiety...

I know, I'm dramatic.

BUT

We are still undecided on our name.

I was sure at this point (35 weeks pregnant - being induced in 3 weeks!) we would have decided on our name already.
The point is - we do have a name.
My husband has pretty much decided, but I, just like everything else, am having major panic attacks over it.
It consumes me. Don't get me wrong - I love the name. No other name we have thought of seems better or even equal to it. It has to be our name. But I have this overwhelming feeling that it can't be.

The name is Cxxx (It is simple, pretty, not overly popular and best of all it works perfectly with our surname.

So, what's the problem? My husband's name is Kxxx.

Please, dear readers, give me your honest opinion. Is this name just too similar? Would it be a tongue twister? A potential tease for our daughter. Just plain silly?
There isn't even a nickname I can think of to differentiate the name even more from her dad's.

Please, please let me know what you think.

Thanks!

~Sabine~

Maternity Leave, Week in pictures (and a few words!)

Last day at work (Friday):

(pic removed)

Growth scan (Monday) - All perfect, thank G-d. Baby is a perfectionist still, measuring 34 weeks exactly at 34 weeks! At this point, I can't make out anything on the scan anymore! She weighs approx. 2.3kg.

(pic removed)

Snowed in: Even missed my consultant appointment at the hospital this morning :(

Furniture building:
(pic removed)

Growth spurt:

Had a minor scare - thought I had developed a stretch mark under my bump, but it was just an indentation from my jeans (phew!). Also, my belly button has now taken on a life of it's own. Tragic. The laparoscopy scars I wear with pride, but remind me again why my 19 year old self wanted that ugly belly button piercing again? If my daughter ever wants one, I'm pretty sure this photo is enough to deter her!

Lots of laundry:

Hospital bag packing

Baby deliveries galore:

(pic removed)

Went swimming: 
Tried to upload a pic, but the server won't let me! A sign that no pregnant woman should wear a bikini in public?! Ok, it worked now....

(pic removed)

This maternity leave stuff sure is exhausting! When will it be time to relax? 

I must say, I am terribly out of breathe all the time now, even after simple tasks, which makes things a bit more difficult. I'm thanking my lucky stars I took maternity leave now, otherwise I simply would not have time or energy to get things done. I'm slowing down more and more as the days pass.

Next on my list - easy to make and freeze recipes for after baby comes - suggestions very, very welcome!!

What have you all been up to?

~Sabine~

The best ever day!

My gorgeous niece arrived today, safe and sound.
I have never been more grateful or in love. I have also never felt more far away.
Isn't she just the most spectacular thing you've ever seen?!

Noooo, bellybutton, nooooo!

My bellybutton has gone all weird!

I'm shocked at how suddenly, it went from in, to flatter and now it starting to bulge a little! Yuck!

All my laparoscopy scars are not helping matters - giving it a weird puffy look!!

I guess baba had a growth spurt over the past couple of days.

Growth scan on Monday to see how she's doing. 

And tomorrow is my last day at work!

How did I get here?! It seems so sudden.

We don't celebrate Thanksgiving over here, but happy Thanksgiving to all those who celebrate, and I'm sitting over here counting my blessings too. So blessed.

Remember my SIL who also got pregnant with IVF?

Well, I'm going to be an aunty TOMORROW!!!!!!!!

Please all send good positive thoughts for a healthy and safe arrival for both mom and baby.

Love to you all.

~Sabine~

P.S. Bratty, if you're reading this, I would love to be able to read your blog but have no idea how to get hold of you! Hope all is well?! xx

Mission accomplished?

Thank you all for your lovely words of advice. It helped SO much!
Yesterday I called my friend and I told her, thanks so much for offering the stuff to us, but we just have so much already and don't really have any need for it.
It was so much easier than I thought. I really have to stop making mountains out of molehills.
She took it very graciously, said 'no problem' and I offered to take it back over to her this evening.
We went, dropped off the stuff, ate dinner together and that was it...

...Until I got home and realised I forgot to take one of the bags!
Now I have to call her again and arrange to take it back again!! Embarrassing!
Bloody baby brain!

~Sabine~

P.S. Marcia, you asked what put me off about the stuff? It's not that it's hand-me-downs as I have already borrowed quite a few things from friends - it was the fact they were broken, really poor condition and dirty! Broken stuff I would put straight in the bin, same goes for clothes with holes, and dirty - I don't have time or energy to be cleaning bouncer seats etc! Also, trying to figure out how to turn on my email thing but in the meantime: leighsabine. at. gmail.com :)

How to say no without hurting a friend's feelings...

A lovely and well meaning friend gave me three huge black bags of baby clothes and a bouncer and a swing. She wants it back when I'm done with it.
Problem is - Most of the stuff is at least 6 years old and been worn by both her daughters. The rest is from someone else I don't know. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem, and I don't mean to sound snobbish, but the stuff looks so old and worn, and the rest of it is filthy! Some had old baby vomit on it, holes and the bouncer chair etc is also filthy. My husband almost died when he saw it! He absolutely refuses to put it anywhere near our baby.

Now - the problem. Originally I thought all the stuff was to be gotten rid of after us, so I thought I could just give it to charity if I didn't want it and she would be none the wiser. So when she asked if I wanted it, I said sure, and thanks.

Clearly, I don't want to keep any of it.
How do I give it back to her without offending her or hurting her feelings?

I always suck at this kind of thing...

Also, I can't store it and give it back to her later as we are currently in a small apartment (till we hopefully move next year) and are already struggling with space as it is!

Help!!

~Sabine~

Another growth scan, shopping and travel!

Last Friday we went for another growth scan, and I'm pleased to report that baby is measuring right on track as usual. Had a follow up appointment at the hospital yesterday and they are very happy with me, so much so that evil nurse didn't even threaten me with insulin this time!

I have been in bed with a nasty sinus infection, but baby is more active then ever. I just spent 10 minutes filming her having a party in my belly. She makes me laugh so much...she goes wild and then always ends up with hiccups afterwards!

Also, she responds to her daddy's voice like no other. It makes me all emotional. As soon as he is home from work and she hears his voice - I swear she goes wild. He is already smitten and told me in no uncertain terms: "You know I'm going to spend all my money on her, right?" I was like, 'Oh yes, I know!"

My mom visited a couple of weeks ago and then the week after, my dad. It was great that they got to see me pregnant and to feel their granddaughter moving about. But it was also great because we got a lot crossed off the list:

• Choose name (My husband has pretty much decided and calls her by that name, but I am still having issues...)
• Cot, plus mattress and bedding
• Pram
• Car seat
• Bottles & teats
• Muslins
• Change table
• Towels
• Bathtub
• Baby carrier
• Bouncer (borrowing from friend)
• Pack hospital bag
• Wash and sort baby clothes
• Boiler
• Curtains (still need to be put up though)
• TV (Waiting on insurance people)
• Telephone
• Window leak

So, still a lot to do, but getting there at least.

Last weekend we went for one night to beautiful Bath, with a stop at Stonehenge on the way back to London. (We had lunch at Jamie Oliver's restaurant too which was awesome). It was really good to get away and also, I must say, I surprised myself with how much I was able to walk around - up hills etc without even losing my breath. I think Pilates has been a huge benefit and I would really recommend it to anyone.

Hope you are all well?

~Sabine~

31 weeks

Last post was 3 weeks ago...
Last pic was 24 weeks...
shame on me!

I wish I could say I've been too busy etc, but the truth is, I've just been too pre-occupied with other things. Mostly stressing.
Yes, I know.
I suck.

I am 31 weeks pregnant and my to do list looks a little something like this:

• Choose name (oh my nerves)
• To buy:
• Cot, plus mattress and bedding
• Pram
• Car seat
• Bottles & teats
• Muslins
• Change table
• Towels
• Bathtub
• Baby carrier
• Bouncer
• Pack hospital bag
• Wash and sort baby clothes

Ok, my head is beginning to spin.

On top of all of that, in the past week, these are the things that have broken in our flat:

• Boiler
• Curtains
• TV
• Telephone
• Window leak

Yes, it's been an expensive week so far.
BUT, it's not all bad. My mom came to visit for a week, and now my dad arrives too in a couple of days.
And my friends threw me the most awesome baby shower - we were very spoilt. I will upload some pics once I get them.
Also, I saw the consultant last week and he's happy with my blood sugar up till this point - long may it last.
Growth scan on Friday.

And to make up for my lack of blogging, a 31 week picture:

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Hope you are all ok??

~Sabine~

28 week - growth scan

Grinning from ear to ear over here....Gestational diabetes can bite me!

Perfect scan - baby measuring exactly right for 28 weeks and now weighs roughly 1.2kg. Can hardly believe it! A real baby.
I asked for sex to be confirmed but she was shy, with her thighs tightly squeezed together.
The scan technician wanted to see the photos I have on my phone of baby as an embryo. She was amazed. And so am I. Every day. I haven't forgotten where we've come from or just how far we have come.

Most enjoyable: Feeling her move all the time now. Totally love it, even if sometimes it hurts!
Least enjoyable: Still no name. My biggest worry by far.

In other news, I finally started to buy things. I totally underestimated the cost of it all, and she isn't even here yet! It feels good to get organised, and makes it all a little more real. Lots more still to be done though. Any top tips on what people say you should have but in fact is a complete waste?!? (ie. plastic bathtubs - as opposed to just a support). Would love some advice from some other moms.
And some more name ideas would be great too! If you really liked a name but it was wildly popular right now (as in top 3) would you still use it?

~Sabine~

It's a...

Well, I'm glad to know the first scan pics were as ambiguous to you as they were to me!

So, without further ado...

It's a GIRL!!!!!


~Sabine~

Bad week, turned good...

As the title says - I had an awful stress filled week. So yesterday, hubby and I happened to be at home in the afternoon, and we thought, why not - let's try book a 4D scan for next week (usually that's how long it takes to get an appointment). So we called, and they were just closing up but said they would wait for us to come in right then!

Off we rushed, and on the way there we decided, what the heck, let's find out the sex.

Well, we were there for over an hour and half. Baby did not want to co-operate! I had to climb stairs, drink hot chocolate, walk up and down, and finally....baby turned around (but still with feet up over the head).

The scan technician said she could see the sex: 97% sure, but I couldn't see what she was pointing out. Can you? (there is a little hand cursor over the area she pointed out)

We are so thrilled!!!!

~Sabine~

Willpower, where are you?

Remember how adamant I was about staying on team yellow?

Yeh, well, hmmm. I'm having doubts.

The doubts started after many hours spent looking at baby names. For some reason, I spend way too much time on girls names, and I realise boys names are actually harder!
I was thinking, why am I adding this anxiety over names? It's probably my number 1 stress right now (besides for living arrangements which is another post entirely) but I have the power to make it 50% less stressful.

We are going for a 4D scan probably in the next few weeks when hubby's parents come to visit, and I'm seriously considering finding out the sex then.
But I'm embarrassed - what will people think! I know I shouldn't care, but I've told everyone we want a surprise and now I'm 'throwing in the towel' at the last minute!
Hubby hasn't minded knowing from the beginning - it's just me who wanted the surprise. My family also want me to find out because if it's a boy, we need to do a circumcision at 8 days (religious reasons) which will need to be organised and is a huge deal that family will want to make plans to come over for. (I don't even want to think about this tradition - it is awful awful awful - but that's also a whole other story).

What do you think? Find out or not?

~Sabine~

P.S. I have an irrational craving for smoked salmon. It's bad. I also have a stinking cold and have been in bed since Saturday :(

24 weeks!

Today is a huge milestone for me and Joops - 24 weeks - viability baby!
Now I am really starting to believe this is happening. And that means I need to start shopping! And I need names PRONTO!
Thank you all so much for your suggestions - they helped a lot. If you think of more, please keep them coming! (Carys is said to rhyme with Paris by the way)

Hubby and I spent most of the weekend watching Joopy roll around and move my whole belly, and I have a new favourite time of day - bath time. Usually I shower, but quite by accident I discovered Joopy loves the bath! So active, and I love to watch how every kick makes the water ripple - it really makes me laugh. I find myself in a state of disbelief that this tiny being has the power to move all that bath water ;)

I met someone at the weekend who has 2 daughters. It took them 6 rounds of IVF for each one (her husband had chemo, so it was for MFI). I was actually embarrassed to admit it worked first time for us, and I was amazed at the strength and will it must have taken for her to go through that, but most of all, I am just the most grateful person in the world. I don't know how we got so lucky, so blessed. Now I just wish the same luck for my internet friends who are still waiting for their miracle - I think of you all the time.

Without further ado - my 24 week viable bump:
(have to stop taking pics in the hallway with my cell phone - the light comes from behind me, so my face etc is always in shadow/weird colours! And I look like I have the darkest rings under my eyes too! Not the most flattering - sorry!)

(removed)

And, I finally managed to catch some movement on video:
Arrghhh, it won't upload! Silly blogger! Any tips to get it to work?

In other news, added to the name struggle - struggling with my blood sugars. I'm trying SO hard, but the specialist seems to think it won't matter what I do/eat, and as baby grows, my levels will be harder to manage. Trying my utmost to enjoy every minute of this pregnancy, so trying to not think about it too much *head in the sand*
Damn diabetes.

~Sabine~

Name Saga

Dear Readers,

I need some serious help! Please!!

When I dreamed of getting pregnant, I used to think the best and most fun part would be picking out names. How wrong was I?! What a huge, daunting responsibility. What if we get it wrong? Or hate the name after? Or can't decide at all and the baby is nameless?! Eeeek!

DH and I have been talking about names for months, and seem to be further away from deciding than ever before! We have looked in books, on the internet, etc etc and nothing.

Finally, we more or less agreed on a girl's name.

And then the impossible happened. My SIL who is having her baby girl a month before I'm due had decided from the beginning on a name. Then, on Monday, I spoke to her and they have now changed the name. Yes, you guess it. The EXACT same name we were talking about.
Well, I was just devastated. I didn't say anything (what's the point?) but the more I think about it, the more upset I get. How unfortunate is that? I mean, what are the chances?! We didn't tell anyone the name and it's just a freaky coincidence. But you know when you decide on a name and go over and over it in your head, and imagine your child with that name, and now no other names seems right.
I have some others we like, but none we love.

We wanted something short and classic (our surname is disgustingly long and complicated) but not over-used. Something everyone would know how to pronounce and spell, but not every second kid in the class has it. That's why this name was perfect. Gutted.
And now my niece will be called that and I fear it will break my heart forever more!

Anyway.
What can I do. DH said it's just not meant to be, we will find a better name, but I don't see how if it took us so long to come up with that! It could be a boy, in which case it wouldn't matter.

Please help us with some name suggestions! I swear, there will be a prize for the winner ;)

We have another name that we love, but would fall into the unusual category and will probably mean she will have to correct people on spelling and pronunciation forever, especially if we move back to South Africa.
The name is Carys. It means love in Welsh. How would you guys pronounce that?
(Interested to hear from the South Africans...what names are 'too' common in South Africa right now? And what would you think if you saw the name Carys?)

HELP!!!!

~Sabine~

P.S. Blood sugar levels seem to be under control through diet so far. Let's hope I can keep it that way....

Good/Bad - Part 2

The good: Even though I made the holiday sound awful in yesterday's post, we had some really great times too. As I said, the island was gorgeous, the relaxing was great, the people were really friendly, and I think if it wasn't for the unusual heatwave they were having it would have been a very different experience.

The bad: I have Gestational Diabetes.
Sorry, had to rip the band aid off if you know what I mean. No pretty way to say it. Have spent the past week having more blood taken from my body than I'm sure was strictly necessary.
It started on the Tuesday (day after we got back from holiday) with the first blood test. This blood test revealed I'm anaemic. Ok, no worries. Small potatoes. Explains all that bad tiredness I was complaining about. Off I go merrily on my way, iron pills in hand.
Thursday is my routine checkup with the consultant. Started off simply enough. Then they dropped the bombshell. Not great news for an already hormonal crying pregnant lady. They gave me a booklet which lists the horrible horrible effects of this disease on the baby - why?!?
He explained I'm at higher risk because of the PCOS and I have a big history of diabetes in my family, but this is quite early to get it. Usually it's more like at 28-30 weeks, and I think the statistics in this country are 1 in 20 pregnancies. After blubbering for a while, I left and totally forgot to do the blood test they asked me to and went off to work. Later, when I took my jersey out my bag, and my warm 3 hour old pee in a tube fell out and rolled on the floor under my bosses desk (was actually hilarious!) I realised I'd forgotten the blood test and to hand in my pee! So I had to go back to the hospital again! By this stage I was just emotionally and physically drained.

So, what this means for my pregnancy:

• Testing blood sugars 4 times a day (For a person who hate needles, this is the most needle filled pregnancy ever - from before, and now right till the end)
• Change diet drastically (have you ever tried resisting a pregnancy craving?! Sheesh!)
• Exercise
• Increase diabetic medication
• Monitored by consultant at hospital every 2 weeks
• Scans to check growth of baby every 4 weeks
• Lots of hard work and monitoring

I spent the rest of the week crying at the drop of a hat and feeling like the shittest mother on the planet already. Guilt, shame, depression, woe is me, my poor, poor baby. :( I'm so sorry Joopy.

~Sabine~

Good/Bad - Part 1

See how I started with Good? And my husband thinks I'm a pessimist - hah!
I've been away for a while. It seems like so much has happened in the last two weeks. Oh, that's because it has. And I'm exhausted. Hence Part 1 today because that's all I can deal with for now!

The good: I am almost 22 weeks pregnant! And baby is making him/herself known every day now, which I am totally loving. Even the kicks that feel like they are in my v.agina! Also, complete strangers are asking me when I'm due etc, which means that I actually must look pregnant now!! Wow!

The bad: The holiday was the opposite of how it was meant to be. Instead of relaxing and enjoyable, it was stressful and scary. I should've known when the crying began about 3-4 days before we left. I'm pretty sure it's hormonal since I cry for anything nowadays - happy, sad, tired, frustrated, excited. You get the idea.
So anyway, picture this highly emotional women travelling to Greece. To begin with, I hate easyjet with a passion (local no frills airline). We were delayed an hour at least each way, and because there's no allocated seating, people were like ANIMALS. I swear, they were elbowing me and pushing past me, and I went into total freak out/protection mode. Then, the hotel. Well 5 stars it wasn't. I discovered a few things about the hotel/area that my very extensive research before I booked it did not disclose. No airconditioning in lobby/restaurants etc (and they were having a heatwave - almost 40 degrees celcius every day). This meant I was mostly stuck in the air conditioned room throughout the day, even outside in the shade was too hot. Also, I could not risk the food. It was sitting open buffet style in the heat, but worst of all I discovered the water in this particular area is bad. So I couldn't eat anything washed in the water and the very nice bar lady kindly informed me not to touch any of the drinks as they are all watered down using tap water, including the juice. Furthermore, she advised the swimming pool was not properly monitored and she wouldn't recommend swimming in it at all. And the beach was a funicular ride down a steep mountain side - only fitting 4 people at a time. Ugh, great, yes?
So, to sum up, I couldn't eat or swim. BUT we did have a lovely time sitting out on our porch - gorgeous view, gorgeous island, lots of reading and sleeping and going into town for dinner.
Well, it was fun except for when I came down with the flu and the time I spent worrying I'd contracted listeria and something terrible was going to happen to my baby.

To be continued....

~Sabine~

P.S. Bratty, I went away and a week later no blog? Hope all is ok?!?

Half Baked!

20 weeks today.
This totally blows my mind.
I know it's a little late, but I'm actually PREGNANT. And there's a healthy little baby growing inside me right now.
I still feel like I'm living in my biggest fantasy world, and yet, it's starting to feel completely normal now.
I don't want to waste a minute not appreciating how truly lucky and blessed we are.

Sorry for the ramble - I've been an emotional wreck all week. I cried sobbed tears of happiness at the X-f.actor for goodness sake!

Anyway, we are off the airport in an hour for our belated Greece 1 year wedding anniversary/babymoon!
Babymoon! Hell yes!!!!

Hope you all have a wonderful week!

~Sabine~
xoxo